dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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