The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
