You can't motorboat a personality
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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