me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
