exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
