He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
