Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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