we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
