Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
