"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
