Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
