what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
