I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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