Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
