I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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