Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
