Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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