I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
