Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
