i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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