I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
