after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
