I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
