i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she told me i tasted like america
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
