It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
