Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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