Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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