We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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