your parents love me but you hate me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
