I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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