I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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