He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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