what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
