So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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