apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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