All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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