It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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