You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
