I want to make a zoo with you.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
