So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
