My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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