Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
