I think I died a long time ago.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
