Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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