i permit you to call me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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