Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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