I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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