I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
