shes about as inviting as chlamydia
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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