i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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