Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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