What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
