how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
