So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
